Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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