I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
