Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
