We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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