At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
