I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
