Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
