I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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