was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
