Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How's work?
Spinning.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
