dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
