Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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