It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
