i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
