I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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