Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
