she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
