I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
