Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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