this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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