I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
