yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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