apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize