you traded sex for a burrito?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
