I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
