He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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