remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
