i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
