he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
we should paint friendship bongs
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
