You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
