i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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