I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
