You smell like a Billy Joel song
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Randomize
