dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
