i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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