i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
whose ass print is on the piano?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
