He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
