Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
