dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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