I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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