No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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