remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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