I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
we made out on top of his cat.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
