are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
