we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need moral support for this bender
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
