So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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