Umm I'm too high to move.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize