i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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