i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
