I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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