I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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