I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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