When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
