I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
