He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
