He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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