Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
