i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
