we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
