Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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