I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
