Fine. I'll sleep in my office
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
