3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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