The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
