I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
