I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
