so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
