I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
