If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
