If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
