Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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