Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize