My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
