Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
