At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
