if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
