And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
