I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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