Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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