Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
