Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
