ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
